There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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