4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
