your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize