I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
