Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
