2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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