dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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