splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
