He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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