so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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