home. puking in laundry basket.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
