He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
