Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
