we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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