I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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