i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
