I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Someone came in the potted fern
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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