There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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