i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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