Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
