Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
