4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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