12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
