i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
