You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
