dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
