It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
