I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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