Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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