I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
