Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
