He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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