I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
only you would photoshop your dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
