wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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