k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
