I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
