Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
