Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
