Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
