So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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