I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
