We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
