does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
