My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
