your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Come on in and take your pants off
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