Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
