Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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