Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
