I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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