He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
