omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
