The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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