I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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