You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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