the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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