My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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