Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
