idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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