My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
