sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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