i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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