sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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