the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Mom said you looked used
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
