my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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