found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
