TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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