I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
