Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
