I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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