so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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