I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
