This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
