my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
