So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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