he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
