I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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