True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
