he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
