I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
