So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
