roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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